I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
