i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Randomize