barbara walters just said penis...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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