Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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