Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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