don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
