I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
