How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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