I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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