oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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