If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
