That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
