I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
