nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just cropdusted the office
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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