He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
