i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is Oprah even human
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
