I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
