Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
