He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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