you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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