Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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