I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
