I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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