I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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