thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
