Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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