in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
