I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
