Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
