Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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