and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
