i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
