Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
