I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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