you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize