As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
