The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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