My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
