I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so let's talk penis.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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