Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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