I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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