quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
