I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
