Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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