I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
