remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
