did you get engaged???
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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