Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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