If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
