Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize