unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize