I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
