Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
