It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
