I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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