her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
