the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
