did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
