I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
