went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
