And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
