I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
